I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
