NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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