Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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