thus making me awesome and them whores
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
