its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
