Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
