I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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