dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just cut my nipple shaving
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
