I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
