Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize