you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
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Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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