Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
