We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
