I can tuck mytits in my pants
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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