I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
