I need help removing her.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
