VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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