is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
