i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
