I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize