And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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