Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
