So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
