no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
