just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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