You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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