i jhust puked up my retainher.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
