U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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