last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
