For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
