Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
