yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
