dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
