my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
