Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It was confusing and full of hummus
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
