I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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