when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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