Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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