Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  it's too hot outside to masturbate.

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  (310): it's too hot outside to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/dql5
  Replies (19) Good night (624) Bad night (1565)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?

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  (248): I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape? http://tfl.nu/ekyk
  Replies (32) Good night (577) Bad night (4563)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.

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  (203): after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet. (1-203): your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd. http://tfl.nu/5pti
  Replies (12) Good night (4780) Bad night (1766)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is

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  (662): I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is http://tfl.nu/ce5u
  Replies (16) Good night (5184) Bad night (1842)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.

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  (270): I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy. http://tfl.nu/gapv
  Replies (28) Good night (5329) Bad night (961)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor

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  (906): he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor http://tfl.nu/agbs
  Replies (4) Good night (2972) Bad night (932)
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  (805): View more from California

  found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.

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  (805): found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up. http://tfl.nu/2xcc
  Replies (3) Good night (1421) Bad night (864)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it

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  (717): And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it http://tfl.nu/tlm9
  Replies (2) Good night (1459) Bad night (1049)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.

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  (203): I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest. http://tfl.nu/16wx
  Replies (2) Good night (863) Bad night (1332)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.

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  (501): I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II. http://tfl.nu/1v38
  Replies (4) Good night (1001) Bad night (528)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.

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  (618): You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling. http://tfl.nu/9fnu
  Replies (8) Good night (1832) Bad night (518)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk

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  (443): Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk http://tfl.nu/uult
  Replies (1) Good night (1186) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.

  (512): View more from Texas

  I won

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  (512): I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest. (512): I won http://tfl.nu/ojuf
  Replies (3) Good night (1088) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.

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  (409): Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY. http://tfl.nu/n49p
  Replies (11) Good night (355) Bad night (1450)
• Favorite

  (+31): View more from The Netherlands

  Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.

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  (+31): Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date. http://tfl.nu/xxz9
  Replies (6) Good night (367) Bad night (868)

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