...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....