Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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