Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.

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  (845): I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred. http://tfl.nu/ocgs
  Replies (11) Good night (1047) Bad night (1937)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.

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  (908): you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table. http://tfl.nu/f3vx
  Replies (40) Good night (4468) Bad night (1204)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?

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  (215): I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months? http://tfl.nu/2j7i
  Replies (7) Good night (655) Bad night (3897)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere

  (1-917): View more from New York City

  no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john

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  (917): i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere (1-917): no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john http://tfl.nu/sfec
  Replies (24) Good night (5748) Bad night (769)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.

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  (303): No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it. http://tfl.nu/eofg
  Replies (11) Good night (1269) Bad night (6206)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now

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  (248): I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now http://tfl.nu/d0ke
  Replies (16) Good night (5218) Bad night (1028)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.

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  (704): he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen. http://tfl.nu/oi0t
  Replies (26) Good night (9121) Bad night (1217)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.

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  (407): I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying. http://tfl.nu/u472
  Replies (30) Good night (9105) Bad night (1085)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.

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  (630): I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive. http://tfl.nu/za3k
  Replies (7) Good night (3232) Bad night (1251)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi

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  (412): just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi http://tfl.nu/nlgm
  Replies (4) Good night (640) Bad night (2149)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.

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  (425): We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party. http://tfl.nu/nzty
  Replies (5) Good night (1728) Bad night (930)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy

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  (270): my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy http://tfl.nu/5thn
  Replies (9) Good night (2389) Bad night (505)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently

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  (601): The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently http://tfl.nu/6pjr
  Replies (1) Good night (292) Bad night (613)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies

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  (775): He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies http://tfl.nu/uhfl
  Replies (2) Good night (598) Bad night (214)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  If you need anything just hit me up

  (845): View more from New York

  Pancakes

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Noted.

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  (201): If you need anything just hit me up (845): Pancakes (201): Noted. http://tfl.nu/a0ik
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (240)

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