ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
