batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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