Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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