Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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