You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
