Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
