A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
