how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
