your parents love me but you hate me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
