I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
