can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
