Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
this hospital has no fireball
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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