You're so nebulous sometimes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
