the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
