Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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