peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
