Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I touched a dick in church today
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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