I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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