I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...