I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.