dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
This is the high leading the old right now
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.