As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
