2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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