Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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