My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
