I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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