I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
try to milk me bitch
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