I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
