Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
