He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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