Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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