...so i touched it.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
