I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
