what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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