I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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