we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
