You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
