We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We are all done wearing pants today
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
