dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
