No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
