yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
