My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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